What’s been up with me…..And you?

Wow, I haven’t even posted at all this year…..lol..

Just joking……I hope you all enjoyed and had a good time with your friends and families this past holiday season. I don’t celebrate because I’m a JW but I did enjoy my family being home and hanging out.

I haven’t posted in awhile because I’m lazy I simply haven’t been in the mood. After suffering from my surgery way back in April…… I’m still in PAIN!! Aaaaaaaaawwwwwwwhhhhh (sorry for screaming)

It seems crazy to think I’m still in so much pain from this. (In case you missed it or forgot. I had a subcutaneous defibrillator “installed” orimplanted” with some crazy, stupid & ridiculous a new device that was supposed to be less invasive because the leads didn’t have to be implanted directly in my heart)

Ha!! The old procedure would have given me one scar. This scam so called new technology gave me 3 huge, ugly, painful scars. He also did something to my collarbone, it hurts sooooooooo bad! Have you ever broke a bone…? Remember the pain and sensitivity that comes with it in cold weather……ugh, yeah…..that’s how it feels.

I’m going to show you what I’ve been living with…..Forgive my mad face….and yes I have on makeup Lol!!

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They're red because they're angry...And... I have an even larger one on my left side/breast...

Maybe people will stop questioning if I’m lazy or not trying hard enough or something….ugh some times folks act like it’s all in my mind and I should just push through…..ahh….nah!!
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Why in the world would anybody want to live a life like this? As I’ve been writing this post it’s taking me over 3 day’s because I pretty much slept for 2 whole days. Please believe ya girl here hates it!! I want to be out in my ministry, shopping, seeing movies and hanging with the girls but I just can’t do it. I don’t have the energy and I get tired of explaining it to people.(Reminder: I have cardiomyopathy, heart failure, diabetes, sleep apnea and fibromyalgia) I’m not telling you for anyone to feel sorry for me, just a reminder that there are many illnesses you can’t see!! That’s why people always say “But you don’t look sick, you look good.”

Here’s my answer to that….hehe

I would look much worse than this w/o my beautiful makeup lol

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Anywhoooooo, I am going to keep fighting through the pain and get back to life. I’m going to eat better, gotta take baby steps walk a little and drink lots of detox water this week. If you or someone you know is on a journey to a healthier lifestyle please join me. What are you going to do this week?

I will keep you informed of my progresses!!

J.

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My new journey and adventures πŸ˜Š

When I first started this blog it was to help me with my weight loss, and then gain, then loss and everything in the middle. LOL!! (Y’all know how it is…lol..don’t leave me on this roller-coaster alone!!)

Now I just want to share ME and all I go through…with my health, my emotions, my likes! my dislikes, my family, my faith and just me.

A day in the life of a diabetic……and what it’s like to live with heart failure. Also learning to live with this new defibrillator. (So far it’s been a nightmare….but I’ll bore you with those details later )πŸ˜œπŸ˜‚

One day I may post about makeup, or clothes. Next day I may share a recipe I found and loved….maybe post 2 or 40 a day…..😱😱😱 (j/k) or a few days later an update on my health….(yes you can tell I have issues LOL). Sooooooooooo if you want to come on this adventure/journey with me…Let’s Go!!!

Me sending out kisses πŸ’‹πŸ’‹

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I can be so silly at times πŸ˜‚.

Silly me lol πŸ’‹πŸ’‹

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My Ice Cube Mean Face look lol

NOTE: I write this as my personal journal but my only hope is that it can touch one person. If you know of anyone who’s going through ……well…..ummm…….LIFE. Please share this blog with them, or if you enjoy it. I thank whoever reads this, even if it’s one person 😍

Please follow & share…. Thanks guys!!

Six weeks and counting…

Ok these last six weeks have been beyond crazy. Can you believe I’m still struggling with the pain… Seems so surreal to me 😞.

Hopefully I’ve posted my other blog that I wrote weeks ago and your all caught up…. (Yeah, I know..who do I think I am lol).

So let’s begin….I have been very tired and stressed out. I’ve been dealing with discouragement and depression. Way more than normal…and if I hear one more person say “well you look good” I’m going to snap!! I know that people are just trying to be nice but just say something like “sorry to hear that, or my thoughts are with you….” Anything but that look good comment.

Geez!!!!!!

Sigh….sorry. Unfortunately, I think that my doctors think that. “Well she doesn’t look like she’s in pain”. The cardiologist told me that he can’t refill my pain meds because they feel like a person shouldn’t require them at this stage. HUH?? 😳😳😳😳 says who??? So I have to go to my primary care doctor who decides this would be a good time to get me off pain meds? For real??? 😳😳😳 they just don’t know how fortunate they are that I’m a Real Christian.

The old girl wants to come out & play 😁😁…prayer has kept her away. (So grateful for that Holy Spirit)!

I just don’t get the medical field. You know I’m in pain and that I already deal with chronic pain…..why in the heck would you change my meds in the middle of this storm?

Sigh….. Anyway this has been an experience I wouldn’t want anyone to have to go through.. It’s 3:00 in the morning and I’m up dealing with the pain as usual. I have three incisions and none of them like it when I lay down. Honestly there’s not much they do like. The worst is riding in the car…ugh!! I’m pretty sure Colorado has the most pot holes in the world!! 😁 ok maybe not the entire world but that’s what it feels like to me. Lol

So that about sums up my last 6 weeks…I’ve only went out 3 times, that wasn’t for a doctor appointment. I did get to see one of my little Ha!! He’s like 6’5 or something..like a giant lol cousins get married…it was a beautiful wedding and I had fun.

Hopefully and prayerfully my next post will be nothing but positive, happy, up building & encouraging words. Ummmm no strike that I know my next post will be all those things because I have hope and Faith

(And thank you for reading this….if u read this can u please leave me a comment telling me where your from? Sometimes it tells me if your in Canada or South America…just for fun. Also if you would like tell me what you think about this blog.)

Thanks everyone!!!
J

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This is me and my “lil” cousin the groom lol…if u know me u can see the pain in my face…but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world….it was still fun and I stayed in my 4 1/2″ heels the whole time lol 😜! (I also ended up in the bed for 3 days after…..whew, it’s like Beyonce says..pretty hurts πŸ‘ πŸ’…πŸ‘ πŸ‘ )

Can you imagine……my broken heart

Finally home after 4 days in the hospital, part of me wishes I would have stayed there. It’s very stressful being back home. Nobody to check my blood, check my vitals and bring me food…(well maybe not the food it was gross).

I’m so nervous about my heart that I’m over reacting to every small little thing….I mean who wouldn’t?? The doctor tells me that my heart is really failing now, over the last 13 years I guess it’s just getting tired. An average persons heart works at 55%. My poor heart is down to 20%. The lowest it’s ever been.

Can you imagine going into the hospital for a blood clot in your lung (which can be fatal)..and then take a test to see how your heart is doing and then all of a sudden nobody is thinking about the clot!!! It’s sooooo bad that they tell you, if you don’t improve with all these new medications…you may need a defibrillator in your heart…and if it doesn’t get better you may need a heart transplant??

Can you imagine…….feeling so alone and sad? Unable to cry in front of your family because you want them to be strong?? I regret that because I’ve held it in until now and as I’m typing and crying my eyes out, I realize that I should have let them in. I now know that they don’t realize how severe my condition is….how much I need each & everyone of them to help me fight….to help me out.

I wasn’t in the hospital for a broken nail!! My heart is failing AND I have a clot in my lung!!! How more severe can it be??? And of course if I die people will say how they cared and loved me…and bring flowers to my family…I won’t need it then !!! I NEED LOVE NOW!!!!!

One of the top problems of my heart is being stressed out all the time!! So I need my flowers now while I can smell them, not when I’m dead and gone….Sorry to be so emotional….just being honest. I know I don’t look sick but know you know the truth.

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