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It was my plan to start blogging again this year so I did all this research and bought all these courses to help me get started again….. I wanted to share my adventures in this world as a woman in her forties who loves makeup and fashion and how despite my health problems I still can keep it cute lol 😝. Unfortunately, looking cute has been the last thing on my mind. Being responsible for 4 new little ones has been extremely hard. I have 3 of my own kids that I’ve pretty much raised…….. my baby girl just turned 18 😫😫 on January 9th and she’s going to graduate in June and then I’m done right…..wrong! My new babies are 3, 5 (just turned 5 on the 21st) 6 and 9…… I know….. I know. Pray 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 for me please.

My life has been turned upside down and I’m really going through it…..I really hate to complain but I seriously need to vent and just scream 😱 (well on paper anyway). Due to circumstances out of my control, I’ve recently been given temporary custody of my three nieces and nephew. I love these kids with all of my heart ❤️ but I’m so overwhelmed.

One of my biggest issues is that it’s a major change and challenge in my home. We went from a family of four (where everyone pretty much did their own thing every day and night) to a family of eight overnight…. it’s been crazy to say the least. Now we have homework, home cooked meals, ~~I’m literally slaving over the stove for them,~~ bath time and playing referee between everyone. I really have to depend on my family to help me out. Without their help there’s no way I could even try this. So big shoutout to Zariah and Zamia and my hubby ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I pray everyday for their sanity as well…even our dog has had to make some changes. (Not that he minds at all lol).

Anyway…….I’m still in heart failure (18yrs) and dealing with all my other health issues…… I know certain people always thought that I was sleeping a lot because I’m lazy but the reality is that I’m sick….. Congestive Heart Failure, Cardiomyopathy, Diabetes, Fibromyalgia and a few smaller ones….. (and it’s truly a blessing that I don’t look the way I feel, but then it’s deceiving because I’m always trying to be cute lol 😂…… I mean, who wants to look sick??). The truth of the matter is that I’m very stressed out and it’s not good for my health but there’s nothing I can do…. my anxiety levels rise so high when I think about them going into foster care or being separated…..so that’s not even an option!! Family has to take care of family ❤️.

It is such a huge responsibility to raise someone else’s children…. especially when the children have special needs that you’ve never dealt with… My nephew (the 9yr old) has ADHD and man……..let me tell you…..that condition is no joke. He is on medication for it but the pills don’t last long and when they start to wear off his impulse control is null and void. He’s always getting into something and to say it’s nerve wracking is literally to say the least….smh. The girls are definitely much easier but they each have their own issues as well and let’s just keep it real…they’re toddlers and what do toddlers do? EVERYTHING 🤦🏽‍♀️….they fight, argue, cry and throw tantrums… all the time. Oh yeah…..can’t forget this…they all eat like four big linebackers playing for the Denver Broncos 😂😂. Don’t get me wrong for the most part they are all great children with awesome personalities. Its just that when you have to deal with those new personalities 24/7 times four people it can be overwhelming. Although I must say to hear them say “I love you aunty” and give me big hugs and kisses…..those moments are priceless.

So in closing I guess I’m just reintroducing me and my family to you again……I’m going to be sharing my adventures with my new family and managing everything with my health. I hope my adventures can be encouraging and upbuilding for those who are reading my blog….please follow and share if you enjoyed this post.

Until next time…..

To any of you who actually read my blog I apologize for not posting anything yesterday I thought, well even God took the seventh day off 🙂 j/k

Anyway…I’ve not been doing so good this weekend..when you have any addiction (drugs, alcohol, food) once you get a taste of it, it’s extremely hard to get the taste out. As I shared with you on Saturday night I ate animal and a cookie (for shame I didn’t reveal that). Well yesterday as always I started out good with shakes, but then when we had friends over to watch the game (side note: whoo hooo Denver Broncos!!) and I ordered pizza and wings and a friend bought cookies and cake. Ugh!!!! Why oh why….she also bought some fried green beans. (Green Beans are ok right?? Yeah I know I know not if they are deep fried lol) but I only ate four, to which everyone’s reply was that’s not enough food for you. Again I told them I have my shakes from optifast for my weight loss. Well long story short (I know it really…doesn’t sound like it haha) I end up eating 3 bites of pizza (yucky cheese) and I had 2 cookies. Sigh*********** I know, no will power.

So anyway I’m not feeling the best today so I decided to actually do my lesson for the week…Building Confidence. This hit me in a really big way…they give you 10 ways to build self confidence so I went through each one and I was slapped in the face….it’s like someone has been peeking in my windows to see what I’m doing and then wrote about it!! (Sounds familiar huh Ebony lol)

1. Fulfill your needs:

it brings out how only I can make myself happy and no one else. It also said to quit trying to solve other people’s problems, making them happy, or saving them from the consequences of their behavior.

I have to be honest…this is one of my biggest issues. I have a huge heart and I want to make everything ok for those I love, but I’m so focused on the others that I forget to help me… That’s why I have been having “cheats” everywhere. Carrying around guilt for not being able to undue someone else’s mistake.

2. (Actually its their number 5 but I can’t give you all of them)lol. Stop fighting change:

you’ll need to be willing to give up things the way they are in order to have them the way they can be. Learn to live with change and enjoy it

Again, another area I struggle with…I’m use to going out to eat with my family…going to the movies and having a giant bag of popcorn (w/o butter of course) and now it seems like because I can’t eat, we just don’t go and I miss that with them.

3. (Their number 6…. U know the rest) Keep company with positive people:

Negative people sap your energy and creativity with their constant put downs, complaints, self defeating thoughts, feelings and actions. Seek out positive people.

This one is self explaining… I don’t even think people realize how their negativity hurts me…just saying things like “what a waste of money” or “your just going to gain the weight back”. It’s hard but I’m working on staying away from that!

So in summary I see where I need to put my thinking hat at…I need to know its ok for me to be happy and the only person who can really do it is me (and my hubby) :). It’s ok if I go out to dinner with my family and only have a small cup of soup or green salad…it’s the company that’s fulfilling….and last but definitely not least…if your not a supporter of me, then your against me and I have the right to say Heck No!! Because I truly deserve more than that… We all do! So when you see someone trying to get up and change, please don’t kick them down and tell them they can’t do it, because we ALL can change!! I don’t care if you need to lose 1 or 1,000 pounds..we can do it!!

So, now that I got that off my chest I must say I feel better and I’m looking forward to learning and growing through this wonderful journey and I thank those of you who are going with me.