My new journey and adventures 😊

When I first started this blog it was to help me with my weight loss, and then gain, then loss and everything in the middle. LOL!! (Y’all know how it is…lol..don’t leave me on this roller-coaster alone!!)

Now I just want to share ME and all I go through…with my health, my emotions, my likes! my dislikes, my family, my faith and just me.

A day in the life of a diabetic……and what it’s like to live with heart failure. Also learning to live with this new defibrillator. (So far it’s been a nightmare….but I’ll bore you with those details later )😜😂

One day I may post about makeup, or clothes. Next day I may share a recipe I found and loved….maybe post 2 or 40 a day…..😱😱😱 (j/k) or a few days later an update on my health….(yes you can tell I have issues LOL). Sooooooooooo if you want to come on this adventure/journey with me…Let’s Go!!!

Me sending out kisses 💋💋

I can be so silly at times 😂.

Silly me lol 💋💋

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My Ice Cube Mean Face look lol

NOTE: I write this as my personal journal but my only hope is that it can touch one person. If you know of anyone who’s going through ……well…..ummm…….LIFE. Please share this blog with them, or if you enjoy it. I thank whoever reads this, even if it’s one person 😍

Please follow & share…. Thanks guys!!

Jun 08

Dear J…..age 18

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Dear J,

I wanted to first tell you how much I love you….you really are a good person. At this age in your life you have made some mistakes…but don’t allow the mistakes to keep you sad and break your spirits…. Learn from your mistakes and do better…

One day you will be a mother and a wife and have 3 beautiful children. Cherish every second of them because one day…too soon, they will grow up. Hug them and play with them as much as possible. Always tell them (and show them) how much you love them….tell them everyday.

Please take care of your health, it seems like you don’t have anything to worry about now because your young and healthy……trust me, it will change. Keep exercising, stop eating so much junk food, try to cook at home and experiment. Taste new foods, explore wine and different cuisine.

Please, please, please listen to your dad when he try’s to teach you about money….having a savings account, and a rainy day account, ~~a I don’t have to ask daddy for money account.~~ 😜 and monitoring your credit score is sooo very vital!! If you don’t have cash, it’s simple……you can’t afford it!!! 💰💳💸

As for a relationship with a man, be very, extra careful with your heart. You have a beautiful heart and spirit, make sure he has one too. You have a tendency to like beautiful things on the outside but find the insides ~~are empty and everything is dirty, broke, old and rotten.~~don’t match the face, it’s only a mask…… If he doesn’t show you love and respect…..he’s NOT the one. Don’t worry the right one is just around the corner….💕💕

In summary J, be a good woman, a good friend and prepare to become a great wife and and a mother…..

I love you J,

Sincerely, J

Apr 22

An update of me….

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Hey guys, it’s been another minute since I’ve posted anything. I’ve been thinking & praying about what I should do….so I decided to continue this journey with you. 🙂

Well in the last three months that you haven’t heard from me, there’s been a lot going on. I got pneumonia TWICE, was on enough antibiotics to save a small country! They have again changed my medication (doubled it), and I had another echo.

Before I had the echo (they gave me 3 months) I was told if it’s not better they would recommend the defibrillator. So two days after my echo I get the call…it’s actually my doctor……… *Sigh***** Now I’ve been his patient for four years & he’s never called me so right away I knew.

Sooooo, long story short I’m getting the defibrillator ~~installed~~, put in this Friday the 25th. I’m only suppose to stay one night so I should be home Saturday ~~so you can send me cards, flowers & money~~ 😊 if you want to visit me…….Ooh or you can send me lives on pet rescue lol, I’m addicted!! (Don’t judge me lol).

I’m sharing this ~~so you can send the money, flowers, cards & lives~~ with you for encouragement, prayer and love… I want everyone in my family to know I love them & that I’m not lazy …I’m just enduring each day…and I’m grateful to have each & everyone of you in my life.

This is what heart failure looks like…….. Everybody (and I do mean Everybody, doctors & nurses) always say “you look too good to be sick”.

That’s because I’m beautiful dang it……sigh…..curse this beauty lol. Just kidding!! ~~or am I, hmmmmm~~hahaha

Thanks for continuing on my journey with me!

Jan 11

A very new journey…..

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Sitting here in the hospital feeling a little better ☺️. (In case your wondering why I’m in the hospital (day 3) is I have a blood clot in my lung and I’m in heart failure…very bad failure. Ejection fraction should be 50-55% and mine is only 20%. I’m not overly worried about it, I’m here getting the meds and help I need.) So I had an aha moment! I realize that this is my journey and I’m going to share it, maybe it can help someone or maybe not.

I started this blog when I was doing optifast and felt like I needed to share my experience and be encouraging & inspiring. Some how though I lost my way……… I wanted to be sooo inspiring to other people that I forgot to inspire myself.

With that said, I’m going to re-start this journey. I may encourage one person, or maybe none…but at this point in time I need to encourage ME. Here is where I can be myself. Sometimes I regret people knowing who I am because that’s the fear that kept me away. I didn’t want people to…..hmm, judge me. 😉

I realize that every time I hit “post” I’m sharing it with the world. The very sad thing about it is, strangers seem to be more encouraging than people I see all the time! But….I just don’t care anymore. I am ME and you can either take ME as I am or keep it pushing. I’m not trying to offend anyone either….I am just trying to be ME. (“Sanging”the Mary J. Blige song lol)

Annnnnyyyyywwwaaayyyyy….I’m sitting here thinking about my life and how I coulda, woulda, shoulda…and realize……that’s a huge waste of time!! (And unnecessary stressor, I have enough, thank you very much).

1. Yes I could have slept with my C-Pap machine 5 years ago when I got it (maybe even 7 years 😳) but I didn’t.
2. Yes I could have kept up with tracking my diabetes.
3. Yes I should have been exercising and keeping my weight down.
4. Yes I should have seen the cardiologist more.
5. Yes I could have taken my meds better.
6. One of my biggest issues….I could have learned to deal with my STRESS adequately!!

And so on and so on….the fact is…I can’t ~~whew I wish to God there was~~ change anything I did yesterday. I can take note of my mistakes and pray not to make the same ones…and to grow from them.

SO having said all of that…today I will: (and only today, not worry or be anxious of tomorrow, Jesus said “Who can add one cubit of your life by worrying about the next day”. Matthew 6:27.)

1. Do my bible reading.
2. Keep track of what I eat. (Write it down).
3. Keep track of my blood sugars & pressure.
4. Enjoy today.
5. Hug & kiss my family
6. Smile

(If you are reading this I hope and pray you have a great Saturday) 🙂

J.Marie

May 13

What I’ve been up too….hmmmm

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What have I been up to?! Hmmmmm nothing!! Absolutely nothing!! The new medication I’m on makes me exhausted all the time… I’ve had a few adjustments and now maybe…just maybe I can be a real girl again & live!!!

I have to be honest with myself ~~and the other 2 peeps that read this~~ I have fallen ~~hard~~ off the wagon & it hurts. Not just my behind from the fall but my ego and my pride…I fought so hard to get to a certain place and then I just gave up….literally.

I know, I know….don’t give up, you can do it…blah blah blah… I’m sorry guys but when you think your about to die the last thing you want to eat is a green vegetable!! So serious about this, I actually HAD to eat sugar to help me feel better…and then the cycle begins.. Eat, depressed, eat, depressed……..sigh, oh well.

No more ~~crying like a baby~~ talking negative..back to being positive..I’ve gained back 8 pounds so I have a small goal to re-lose those in the next few weeks. My body is screaming at me to be a vegan again and I’m listening…no more optifast for me so I have to do like the rest of the world and count calories and exercise and I know I can do it and so can you!!

(For those of you ~~my two followers 🙂~~ who may not know and wonder why I would become a vegan, please watch Forks Over knifes… I did & it changed my thinking about food and answered my question of why I was feeling so bad ~~kind of like how I feel now~~ and when I cut out all animal products I started feeling much, much better…so there it is…

Hopefully, you guys will stay on this journey with me…and instead of food I have a new passion for makeup and all things sparkly…so I will include some of my work as well as my progress in this journey…. MUAH!!

Mar 09

It’s been a minute…ok weeks! :)

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Hey guys how are you?? You may or may not wonder what happened to me or where I disappeared to :).

Well here’s the deal…I’ve been in heart failure for 12 years (shock & awe I know) along with the fibromyalgia, diabetes, sleep apnea and on on.

Soooooo….here’s a short version of my long story 🙂

As you know, I was doing well, working out staying on my optifast products…then one day…BOOM!! All of a sudden I’m having these strange pains in my stomach….turns out I’m having problems with my gall bladder (it’s evil & it’s trying to destroy me). Sooo again, after weeks of being in and out of the ER and the doctors office, I see a surgeon who FINALLY tells me YES indeed I need surgery…

I can’t tell you how happy I was to hear that…then I had to be cleared for the surgery, uhh oooh,here comes trouble! I find out my heart is failing again and my heart cannot withstand a surgery 😦 so in short I have to just live with this pain….(until they get my heart functioning better, hopefully).

On another side I can’t be on optifast right now or even exercise 😦 it’s been a long blurry month…I’m on more medications and I’m on oxygen…they’re in the process of getting everything adjusted. So for now I’m extremely tired, in pain and dealing with a lot of emotions, but I always have faith!!! It’s been really hard,but……… I’m still here & I’m still smiling 🙂

Come check out my Facebook page…FacesByJ.Marie

I think this blog will become my sounding board for what in going through…not so much about my weight but my life.

Jan 26

Busting out of the comfort zone

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Hey all, I’ve decided to broaden my horizons on my journey. Losing weight has slowly started to bring me back to things I used to love but lost because of the weight….

I’ve always loved fashion, heels, jewelry, make up and all things pretty lol :). Unfortunately, when you start to gain weight you start to lose interest in those things….but…it’s all coming back!!

My new love is doing make overs! I love being able to transform people & make them feel pretty…especially me. I even entered a contest on Facebook… A HUGE deal for me…putting myself out there for the world to judge….at the moment I’m losing lol but I don’t care, I’m going to keep my head up high and continue to do things I love….and it has nothing to do with food!! Aaah (stretches my arms out in a relaxing position) feels good to have something else to do besides eat!

Finally looking in the mirror and seeing ME!! It’s like watching the transformations on the Biggest Loser after they have their make over week…it’s like wow, that person was in there hiding all the time in their comfort zone….

(Here’s a picture of my entry, can’t wait to share more lol)!!

Jan 25

Before & after

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Just wanted to share a picture with you guys…it’s been a minute since I’ve posted so I wanted to share this with you…I still have about 30 more pounds to go, but I’m going to just celebrate this new body and not complain or expect more right now…

I just entered a make up contest and this is one of my pictures I took…can’t believe it’s the same dress as the bottom picture 🙂 I’m very proud of myself and I hope this will inspire others!!

Jan 05

Breaking up is so hard to do…..

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I’ve loved you for so long….we have this terrible love/hate relationship and I can’t do it anymore… I wrote you a letter a few weeks back but somehow I let you wine & dine me back into this terrible relationship. You beat me, you kick me, you mock me and you make me hate myself at times…this relationship has to end now!!! I just can’t do it anymore!! I do know that if I stay in this relationship one day you ARE going to kill me, and I have too much to live for..

This relationship is a typical example of domestic violence…..the sad thing about it…it’s with food.

(I actually wrote this last week but didn’t post it…thought I’d share, maybe it will encourage someone else too…please know I’m in no way joking about domestic violence! Me and my doctor talked about this vicious cycle that people with eating problems go through & she likened it to an abusive boyfriend and that’s when I wrote this….)

Can you relate?

Dec 25

A little humor

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I’m not sure if I told you all how I’ve been feeling for a few weeks now….well on a Facebook page I found this picture and it says everything that I’m feeling :).

Lol….having shared that with you all I can say is that I have not met any of my exercise goals this week…but hopefully, I can get back on track. Changed my meds so hopefully I can sleep again at night….we all know how important it is to get a good nights sleep to help us all out..helps with stress, over eating, and chronic fatigue.

Soooooo tonight I’m praying for that blissful sleep to help me endure all of these aches & pains. Good day/night to you all. 🙂