What have I been up to?! Hmmmmm nothing!! Absolutely nothing!! The new medication I’m on makes me exhausted all the time… I’ve had a few adjustments and now maybe…just maybe I can be a real girl again & live!!!
I have to be honest with myself
and the other 2 peeps that read this I have fallen hard off the wagon & it hurts. Not just my behind from the fall but my ego and my pride…I fought so hard to get to a certain place and then I just gave up….literally.
I know, I know….don’t give up, you can do it…blah blah blah… I’m sorry guys but when you think your about to die the last thing you want to eat is a green vegetable!! So serious about this, I actually HAD to eat sugar to help me feel better…and then the cycle begins.. Eat, depressed, eat, depressed……..sigh, oh well.
crying like a baby talking negative..back to being positive..I’ve gained back 8 pounds so I have a small goal to re-lose those in the next few weeks. My body is screaming at me to be a vegan again and I’m listening…no more optifast for me so I have to do like the rest of the world and count calories and exercise and I know I can do it and so can you!!
(For those of you
my two followers 🙂 who may not know and wonder why I would become a vegan, please watch Forks Over knifes… I did & it changed my thinking about food and answered my question of why I was feeling so bad kind of like how I feel now and when I cut out all animal products I started feeling much, much better…so there it is…
Hopefully, you guys will stay on this journey with me…and instead of food I have a new passion for makeup and all things sparkly…so I will include some of my work as well as my progress in this journey…. MUAH!!
Hey guys how are you?? You may or may not wonder what happened to me or where I disappeared to :).
Well here’s the deal…I’ve been in heart failure for 12 years (shock & awe I know) along with the fibromyalgia, diabetes, sleep apnea and on on.
Soooooo….here’s a short version of my long story 🙂
As you know, I was doing well, working out staying on my optifast products…then one day…BOOM!! All of a sudden I’m having these strange pains in my stomach….turns out I’m having problems with my gall bladder (it’s evil & it’s trying to destroy me). Sooo again, after weeks of being in and out of the ER and the doctors office, I see a surgeon who FINALLY tells me YES indeed I need surgery…
I can’t tell you how happy I was to hear that…then I had to be cleared for the surgery, uhh oooh,here comes trouble! I find out my heart is failing again and my heart cannot withstand a surgery 😦 so in short I have to just live with this pain….(until they get my heart functioning better, hopefully).
On another side I can’t be on optifast right now or even exercise 😦 it’s been a long blurry month…I’m on more medications and I’m on oxygen…they’re in the process of getting everything adjusted. So for now I’m extremely tired, in pain and dealing with a lot of emotions, but I always have faith!!! It’s been really hard,but……… I’m still here & I’m still smiling 🙂
Come check out my Facebook page…FacesByJ.Marie
I think this blog will become my sounding board for what in going through…not so much about my weight but my life.
Hey all, I’ve decided to broaden my horizons on my journey. Losing weight has slowly started to bring me back to things I used to love but lost because of the weight….
I’ve always loved fashion, heels, jewelry, make up and all things pretty lol :). Unfortunately, when you start to gain weight you start to lose interest in those things….but…it’s all coming back!!
My new love is doing make overs! I love being able to transform people & make them feel pretty…especially me. I even entered a contest on Facebook… A HUGE deal for me…putting myself out there for the world to judge….at the moment I’m losing lol but I don’t care, I’m going to keep my head up high and continue to do things I love….and it has nothing to do with food!! Aaah (stretches my arms out in a relaxing position) feels good to have something else to do besides eat!
Finally looking in the mirror and seeing ME!! It’s like watching the transformations on the Biggest Loser after they have their make over week…it’s like wow, that person was in there hiding all the time in their comfort zone….
(Here’s a picture of my entry, can’t wait to share more lol)!!
Just wanted to share a picture with you guys…it’s been a minute since I’ve posted so I wanted to share this with you…I still have about 30 more pounds to go, but I’m going to just celebrate this new body and not complain or expect more right now…
I just entered a make up contest and this is one of my pictures I took…can’t believe it’s the same dress as the bottom picture 🙂 I’m very proud of myself and I hope this will inspire others!!
I’ve loved you for so long….we have this terrible love/hate relationship and I can’t do it anymore… I wrote you a letter a few weeks back but somehow I let you wine & dine me back into this terrible relationship. You beat me, you kick me, you mock me and you make me hate myself at times…this relationship has to end now!!! I just can’t do it anymore!! I do know that if I stay in this relationship one day you ARE going to kill me, and I have too much to live for..
This relationship is a typical example of domestic violence…..the sad thing about it…it’s with food.
(I actually wrote this last week but didn’t post it…thought I’d share, maybe it will encourage someone else too…please know I’m in no way joking about domestic violence! Me and my doctor talked about this vicious cycle that people with eating problems go through & she likened it to an abusive boyfriend and that’s when I wrote this….)
Can you relate?
I’m not sure if I told you all how I’ve been feeling for a few weeks now….well on a Facebook page I found this picture and it says everything that I’m feeling :).
Lol….having shared that with you all I can say is that I have not met any of my exercise goals this week…but hopefully, I can get back on track. Changed my meds so hopefully I can sleep again at night….we all know how important it is to get a good nights sleep to help us all out..helps with stress, over eating, and chronic fatigue.
Soooooo tonight I’m praying for that blissful sleep to help me endure all of these aches & pains. Good day/night to you all. 🙂
After the tragedy in Newton last week I fell into a depression….it was such a sad tragedy and I felt so completely helpless and my heart literally ached for those families. After much prayer I can say I’m feeling better…
Unfortunately, I kind of went back to some bad ways and looked for comfort in food. Of course I didn’t find any in it and it actually made me feel worse. Stomach cramps, bloating, gas and nausea..ugh so not worth it!! My fibromyalgia was inflamed and I was in pain, unable to sleep and irritable.
So one night
morning at 3am I began to write in my journal and I just kept writing and writing and then I said a prayer…then I was able to fall asleep and reflect.
Food does not comfort me, GOD does!! I’m a very spiritual woman and I draw my strength from the bible….a beautiful letter written to me by my Father, and it hits me…the bible says not to “over eat, or be overly anxious”. Which is exactly what I’ve always done….sadly. 😦
So the last few days I’ve been drawing my strength and determination from the bible…and I’ve been able to get back to eating right….the kids are on their winter break so lots of temptation everywhere but all I’ve had besides my optifast is fruit & popcorn(my kryptonite lol).
We went to the mall yesterday and I went into a regular
skinny women’s shop and I tried on some jeans….and they fit 🙂 I actually had to have a moment dropped it like it was hot!!! Lol in the dressing room….a size 12!!!
Oh yeah I’m on my way…..where? Back to happiness!
I know I’ve posted about optifast before but I have to tell you guys just how much I love it!! It’s soooo convenient and it works!! (And just so everyone knows I don’t get paid to or compensated through optifast or anyone else, this is just my opinion).
I’ve now been on the program for 9 weeks and I look and feel better than I have for years!! I’m not just losing weight, I’m gaining me back. I guess we never know just how bad something was until you learn something good.
I’ve always had good self esteem but now it’s great!! I can fit into my clothes, walk a flight of stairs and not get winded, stay up all day without a nap and have a piece of mind!
Another big reason I love optifast is the support you get…my doctor and her staff are incredible! You really receive personal attention and support! (If your in Colorado check them out..you won’t regret it!!!) Dr. Angela Tran
I was also wondering why optifast doesn’t advertise like Jenny Craig or weight watchers and then I realized…they don’t have to. The people and the products speak for themselves!!
I still have plenty of time left to be on it and I’m looking forward to it…at first it was sooo hard and I didn’t think I could do it, but as I watch my body fat, blood sugar, cholesterol, blood pressure and weight go down I know I can do it…I mean dang I’m already off insulin and that was in the first month!
So I’m actually writing this for me…so when those days come around where it seems like everything is going wrong and I want to give up…I can look back at this blog and remember how good I felt.
Just me being silly lol..
Tonight I volunteered at my girls school….can you guess what I did?? The freaking bake sale lol!! I think I did pretty good in sales for them..I did eat 2 peanut butter cookies and guess what..I didn’t feel bad. Sometimes you have to give in to a craving….everyone who knows me knows just how much I love peanut butter cookies 🙂 so just eating 2 was good for me.
As a matter of fact that was great for me considering the day I had…but anyway I sat next to a beautiful grandmother who is 70 years old and going to college!! She was so sweet & funny…she asks me what my iPad is and then tells me she has a smart phone & no idea how to use it lol! She just lost a child and was there to support her grand children…it was such a pleasure to meet her and talk to her.
She really helped me to see that we can do whatever we put our minds too…I mean dang, here she is at 70, working & going to school & taking care of family… She really helped me to put things in perspective. I was considering stopping my weight loss program because I keep having these “cravings” and I started to feel like what’s the point…but I know I was just trying to punk out (as the kids would say lol).
I go to the clinic tomorrow and for once I’m not nervous about the scale or the two cookies…I’m going to continue on this journey and be successful!! I thank those who sent me such up building messages & my 2 friends who actually listed their animal 🙂 I am going to keep my head up and keep doing me…no more worrying about the fun suckers!!
(I included a picture of my new friend because she inspired me soo!)
I thought that blogging about my journey would make me feel better..I was wrong. :(. Sometimes I feel like applying what we were all taught when we were young..
Don’t say anything unless you have something nice to say
Sometimes it’s very hard to let complete strangers into my journey…well actually I don’t mind you guys..it’s friends and family that cause me stress….Why?
I’ll tell ya…most of them don’t even read my blog and if they do…well..let’s just say my feedback hasn’t been the most helpful or encouraging.
Sigh…..I’m really not feeling it these last few days. My health has been down which makes my moods down and then I go into a depression and guess what I want to do..eat. It’s such a battle trying to change your lifestyle. Especially, when those around you aren’t doing the same 😦 I get invited out to eat at least twice a week..sometimes I go..sometimes I stay home.
I was just hoping that by sharing my journey with people I could be inspiring and encouraging…but at the end of the day (ugh..been watching WAY to many reality shows lol) I was feeling more discouraged than anything.
BUT…..drum roll please……I’m not giving up!! I’m going to continue to blog (my goal is everyday) and to continue to be honest with myself and my 1 follower lol….this will help me to be accountable to me and you…as a matter of fact please email me if you notice I’m MIA (missing in action).
Just for fun I’d like to see who actually reads my blog (family & friends)….if you actually read this, please email me (or post it on my wall on FB) and tell me what your favorite animal is…lol…and if you don’t its ok…hopefully my journey will encourage at least one person on the road of wellness.
P.S. I have lost 17lbs so far…and I want to run in my first marathon next year :). More details to follow..