A very new journey…..

Sitting here in the hospital feeling a little better ☺️. (In case your wondering why I’m in the hospital (day 3) is I have a blood clot in my lung and I’m in heart failure…very bad failure. Ejection fraction should be 50-55% and mine is only 20%. I’m not overly worried about it, I’m here getting the meds and help I need.) So I had an aha moment! I realize that this is my journey and I’m going to share it, maybe it can help someone or maybe not.

I started this blog when I was doing optifast and felt like I needed to share my experience and be encouraging & inspiring. Some how though I lost my way……… I wanted to be sooo inspiring to other people that I forgot to inspire myself.

With that said, I’m going to re-start this journey. I may encourage one person, or maybe none…but at this point in time I need to encourage ME. Here is where I can be myself. Sometimes I regret people knowing who I am because that’s the fear that kept me away. I didn’t want people to…..hmm, judge me. πŸ˜‰

I realize that every time I hit “post” I’m sharing it with the world. The very sad thing about it is, strangers seem to be more encouraging than people I see all the time! But….I just don’t care anymore. I am ME and you can either take ME as I am or keep it pushing. I’m not trying to offend anyone either….I am just trying to be ME. (“Sanging”the Mary J. Blige song lol)

Annnnnyyyyywwwaaayyyyy….I’m sitting here thinking about my life and how I coulda, woulda, shoulda…and realize……that’s a huge waste of time!! (And unnecessary stressor, I have enough, thank you very much).

1. Yes I could have slept with my C-Pap machine 5 years ago when I got it (maybe even 7 years 😳) but I didn’t.
2. Yes I could have kept up with tracking my diabetes.
3. Yes I should have been exercising and keeping my weight down.
4. Yes I should have seen the cardiologist more.
5. Yes I could have taken my meds better.
6. One of my biggest issues….I could have learned to deal with my STRESS adequately!!

And so on and so on….the fact is…I can’t whew I wish to God there was change anything I did yesterday. I can take note of my mistakes and pray not to make the same ones…and to grow from them.

SO having said all of that…today I will: (and only today, not worry or be anxious of tomorrow, Jesus said “Who can add one cubit of your life by worrying about the next day”. Matthew 6:27.)

1. Do my bible reading.
2. Keep track of what I eat. (Write it down).
3. Keep track of my blood sugars & pressure.
4. Enjoy today.
5. Hug & kiss my family
6. Smile

(If you are reading this I hope and pray you have a great Saturday) πŸ™‚

J.Marie

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What I’ve been up too….hmmmm

What have I been up to?! Hmmmmm nothing!! Absolutely nothing!! The new medication I’m on makes me exhausted all the time… I’ve had a few adjustments and now maybe…just maybe I can be a real girl again & live!!!

I have to be honest with myself and the other 2 peeps that read this I have fallen hard off the wagon & it hurts. Not just my behind from the fall but my ego and my pride…I fought so hard to get to a certain place and then I just gave up….literally.

I know, I know….don’t give up, you can do it…blah blah blah… I’m sorry guys but when you think your about to die the last thing you want to eat is a green vegetable!! So serious about this, I actually HAD to eat sugar to help me feel better…and then the cycle begins.. Eat, depressed, eat, depressed……..sigh, oh well.

No more crying like a baby talking negative..back to being positive..I’ve gained back 8 pounds so I have a small goal to re-lose those in the next few weeks. My body is screaming at me to be a vegan again and I’m listening…no more optifast for me so I have to do like the rest of the world and count calories and exercise and I know I can do it and so can you!!

(For those of you my two followers πŸ™‚ who may not know and wonder why I would become a vegan, please watch Forks Over knifes… I did & it changed my thinking about food and answered my question of why I was feeling so bad kind of like how I feel now and when I cut out all animal products I started feeling much, much better…so there it is…

Hopefully, you guys will stay on this journey with me…and instead of food I have a new passion for makeup and all things sparkly…so I will include some of my work as well as my progress in this journey…. MUAH!!

J.

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Busting out of the comfort zone

Hey all, I’ve decided to broaden my horizons on my journey. Losing weight has slowly started to bring me back to things I used to love but lost because of the weight….

I’ve always loved fashion, heels, jewelry, make up and all things pretty lol :). Unfortunately, when you start to gain weight you start to lose interest in those things….but…it’s all coming back!!

My new love is doing make overs! I love being able to transform people & make them feel pretty…especially me. I even entered a contest on Facebook… A HUGE deal for me…putting myself out there for the world to judge….at the moment I’m losing lol but I don’t care, I’m going to keep my head up high and continue to do things I love….and it has nothing to do with food!! Aaah (stretches my arms out in a relaxing position) feels good to have something else to do besides eat!

Finally looking in the mirror and seeing ME!! It’s like watching the transformations on the Biggest Loser after they have their make over week…it’s like wow, that person was in there hiding all the time in their comfort zone….

J

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(Here’s a picture of my entry, can’t wait to share more lol)!!

Before & after

Just wanted to share a picture with you guys…it’s been a minute since I’ve posted so I wanted to share this with you…I still have about 30 more pounds to go, but I’m going to just celebrate this new body and not complain or expect more right now…

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I just entered a make up contest and this is one of my pictures I took…can’t believe it’s the same dress as the bottom picture πŸ™‚ I’m very proud of myself and I hope this will inspire others!!

J

Breaking up is so hard to do…..

I’ve loved you for so long….we have this terrible love/hate relationship and I can’t do it anymore… I wrote you a letter a few weeks back but somehow I let you wine & dine me back into this terrible relationship. You beat me, you kick me, you mock me and you make me hate myself at times…this relationship has to end now!!! I just can’t do it anymore!! I do know that if I stay in this relationship one day you ARE going to kill me, and I have too much to live for..

This relationship is a typical example of domestic violence…..the sad thing about it…it’s with food.

(I actually wrote this last week but didn’t post it…thought I’d share, maybe it will encourage someone else too…please know I’m in no way joking about domestic violence! Me and my doctor talked about this vicious cycle that people with eating problems go through & she likened it to an abusive boyfriend and that’s when I wrote this….)

J

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Can you relate?

A way back to happiness

After the tragedy in Newton last week I fell into a depression….it was such a sad tragedy and I felt so completely helpless and my heart literally ached for those families. After much prayer I can say I’m feeling better…

Unfortunately, I kind of went back to some bad ways and looked for comfort in food. Of course I didn’t find any in it and it actually made me feel worse. Stomach cramps, bloating, gas and nausea..ugh so not worth it!! My fibromyalgia was inflamed and I was in pain, unable to sleep and irritable.

So one night morning at 3am I began to write in my journal and I just kept writing and writing and then I said a prayer…then I was able to fall asleep and reflect.

Food does not comfort me, GOD does!! I’m a very spiritual woman and I draw my strength from the bible….a beautiful letter written to me by my Father, and it hits me…the bible says not to “over eat, or be overly anxious”. Which is exactly what I’ve always done….sadly. 😦

So the last few days I’ve been drawing my strength and determination from the bible…and I’ve been able to get back to eating right….the kids are on their winter break so lots of temptation everywhere but all I’ve had besides my optifast is fruit & popcorn(my kryptonite lol).

We went to the mall yesterday and I went into a regular skinny women’s shop and I tried on some jeans….and they fit πŸ™‚ I actually had to have a moment dropped it like it was hot!!! Lol in the dressing room….a size 12!!!

Oh yeah I’m on my way…..where? Back to happiness!

J

Why I love Optifast

I know I’ve posted about optifast before but I have to tell you guys just how much I love it!! It’s soooo convenient and it works!! (And just so everyone knows I don’t get paid to or compensated through optifast or anyone else, this is just my opinion).

I’ve now been on the program for 9 weeks and I look and feel better than I have for years!! I’m not just losing weight, I’m gaining me back. I guess we never know just how bad something was until you learn something good.

I’ve always had good self esteem but now it’s great!! I can fit into my clothes, walk a flight of stairs and not get winded, stay up all day without a nap and have a piece of mind!

Another big reason I love optifast is the support you get…my doctor and her staff are incredible! You really receive personal attention and support! (If your in Colorado check them out..you won’t regret it!!!) Dr. Angela Tran

I was also wondering why optifast doesn’t advertise like Jenny Craig or weight watchers and then I realized…they don’t have to. The people and the products speak for themselves!!

I still have plenty of time left to be on it and I’m looking forward to it…at first it was sooo hard and I didn’t think I could do it, but as I watch my body fat, blood sugar, cholesterol, blood pressure and weight go down I know I can do it…I mean dang I’m already off insulin and that was in the first month!

So I’m actually writing this for me…so when those days come around where it seems like everything is going wrong and I want to give up…I can look back at this blog and remember how good I felt.

J

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Just me being silly lol..

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